under His wings

I woke up on January 1st at 8:45am after having slept a solid 15 hours. All of us, even our 18 month old had slept all night and even then some. We’d arrived the afternoon before after 26 hours of travel; Texas to Switzerland. What a relief to be home. None of us had slept on the flight, and hardly any during our layover in Paris. All four of us were nearly catatonic by the time we got home to our cozy little apartment, our beds, our sounds and smells and toys. We arrived home, I think we ate, we bathed, put on our pi’s and went to bed before the sun went down. I suppose snow had fallen all night, because when I woke there was a silence — that soft, peaceful silence that follows a heavy snow. Even the foggy, greyish light coming through our windows was soft and quiet. Our youngest had slept in our bed, now she was nuzzled up under Daddy’s chin, both their mouths hung open and their heavy breathing reminded me of bears hibernating. I peeked out the curtains; no sounds, no movement outside. Maybe the whole city was sleeping. I turned the rusty knob to our radiator all the way up to 5 and put on my house boots. Our oldest was curled into a chilly ball so I straightened her legs and pulled the covers up over her, then went to make myself some tea. These quiet moments are rare, and I have a feeling will become even rarer in the months and years to come. “Good morning Lord,” my soul whispered as I looked out over the snowy cargo train loading docks that is our front yard. “I have loved this home. Thank you Lord. But help us find a new place soon, so we can welcome our new little girl.”

After a wonderful month of vacation in America, it was time to get back to life in Switzerland. We had more forms to write, more visits with our social worker, and clutter to de-clutter as we prepare to move…once we find a place.
We are eagerly awaiting the new life that our future holds. We have been told by our social worker that we need a bigger apartment before we can proceed with our adoption. We’ve also been told we fall “too near” the recommended income level for adopting a 3rd child in Switzerland. We have been questioned about our faith, our motives, about the “most unusual situation” that we are “on purpose” requesting a child with Down Syndrome, about “why we would adopt if we can have children of our own naturally.” And yet we are joyful, giddy in fact, knowing that God is weaving a tapestry of patience, wisdom, faith, love, and peace. How great is our God? So great.
A few days ago, sitting at a bus stop in the snow, with our 3 year old and almost 2 year old, freezing and singing “Only a boy named David” my husband and I realized, “How lucky are we? How Blessed! That we get called by God to do something that we already love to do. We love to be a family, we love kids, we love chaos. And God goes and says, “Love the unloved. Be a father to the fatherless. Children are a blessing. Care for the orphans.” And we said, “Yes. Yes of course.” Since the day that we began seeing ourselves and our lives, as not our own, but His to build, to use, and to fill, we have rested peacefully in the shadow of His great wings. We just keep saying “yes, Lord” and His work just becomes all the more beautiful.

One thought on “under His wings

  1. Just wanted to know I’m reading your blog with tears rolling down my cheeks. I’m remembering some talks we had when you and Marco were dating and the future was bright but unknown. So much love but so much yet to be understood. Look where you are now as a family, united as one, living sacrifices to a Holy God, raising, so far, two beautiful future believers. My heart is full of joy as I reflect on our visits and time together over what seems like a lifetime ago….to see the beauty God has crafted in you and your precious family. I’m so very happy for you dear Rachel. Much love to you, Marco and your beautiful children both present and future <3. Jen

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